GoodBYE Alice

March 23, 2010

Five years from where I was then, some calendar sheets have fallen down like leaves and I still find myself in the same situation within the same setting, still being the same old me with the longing to shed my skin, stripping bare all the inhibitions that had stopped me from being me.

Although there was a time in my life, where I was keen in wearing other people’s dresses and slipping into someone else’s shoes, I reached a point where being me and myself became of utmost importance and the pursue of all these things that life had forced me to postpone for the one or the other reason became of high priority.

Life, some years ago, was largely a matter of mere somersaults. All I cared about was to be a female version of Huckleberry Finn walking barefoot across other people’s clear-cut lawn or sitting on the little bridge with my feet slightly touching the surface of the water.

Once I longed for some sweetness but one of life’s lessons told me that life & love are not always sweet as in dreams and some episodes have no fairy tale endings.

In situations like that I wish I would believe in something, would see that green light that Gatsby used to admire across the bay at night. Or preserve that sense of wonder and strength for living life like Jo and her little women. And be brave like Pippi and see the best in life as it is.

But in the end it’s gonna be all good and just fine and I think Jewel is damn right when she sings that “dreaming is a good thing ‘cause it brings new things to life, pretending is an ending that perpetuates a lie…”

A year or so from now, tomorrow will still come after today. And around the corner life will still linger, presenting bits and pieces of my past and present. And for now it’s okay to slowly slide back into my shoes and step back into the scenery that surrounds me, eventually joining the crowd of all these strangers out there in the daily grind, stuggling to navigate through the chaos called life.